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My Teen Is Spiraling Into Hypochondria. Meanwhile, I’m Actually Sick.
Struggling with Hypochondria
Dear Care and Feeding,
My son is turning 18 soon and is very anxious about becoming an adult. He’s become clingy and obsessed with thinking he’s sick. He keeps diagnosing himself with different illnesses like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Anemia, and even epilepsy, which doctors have ruled out. Now, he thinks he has lymphoma. I’ve tried getting help from his healthcare team, but I’m not getting much response. I try to be patient, but it’s hard because I’m dealing with a serious illness myself. I have a neurodegenerative condition that causes shaking and balance issues. I haven’t told my kids much about my illness. Watching my healthy son pretend to be sick is not only hurtful but also frustrating. My partner tries to ignore it, but I’m struggling to cope.
—Actually Sick
Addressing the Hypochondria
Dear Actually Sick,
If your son’s healthcare team isn’t helping, it might be time to find new doctors. He needs a good therapist who can also communicate with you. His hypochondria could be due to anxiety about adulthood, so try not to get too frustrated with him. Remind him that his doctors have checked him thoroughly and found nothing wrong.
Consider sharing your diagnosis with your son. It might help him understand the difference between real illness and his symptoms. Find a mental health professional to determine if he truly believes he’s sick or if it’s just anxiety. Ask him to be sensitive to your condition and trust the doctors when they say he’s healthy.
Advice on Parenting, Kids, or Family Life?
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Dealing with Family Dynamics
Struggling with Your Partner’s Behavior
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am an African woman with a child by a Turkish man. We live together, but he initially denied my pregnancy and didn’t acknowledge our child until a paternity test when the baby was 3. He has a 19-year-old son from a previous marriage but won’t introduce our son to him. When I ask why, he goes silent. I’m considering moving out and starting my own life with our son. I can afford it financially. Am I overreacting?
—Fed Up
Moving Forward
Dear Fed Up,
Your partner’s initial denial of your pregnancy was hurtful, and it took three years for him to acknowledge your child. His refusal to introduce your son to his older son might be due to various reasons. It’s possible he is ashamed of having a Black child. If he treats you with love and respect, consider discussing this issue with him. If he doesn’t, it might be time to move on. Be prepared for potential co-parenting challenges and seek legal support if needed.
Supporting a Teen with Eating Concerns
Addressing Changes in Eating Habits
Dear Care and Feeding,
My young teen daughter has started eating less. She used to have three meals a day and snacks but now eats very little. Her YouTube history shows a lot of diet and weight loss videos. She is a healthy weight but looks a bit chubby due to being short for her age. How can I talk to her without making her defensive?
—Weight Loss Isn’t Necessary
Healthy Conversations About Food
Dear Weight Loss Isn’t Necessary,
Talk to your daughter gently about her eating habits and what you found in her YouTube history. Ask her why she feels the need to lose weight and if anyone has said something to her. Encourage a balanced diet and regular exercise instead of skipping meals. Discuss the dangers of eating disorders and the importance of proper nutrition during growth. Involve her in meal planning and emphasize body positivity. If she struggles to change her eating habits, consider seeing a therapist specializing in eating disorders.
Coping with Grief in Teens
Helping a Grieving Teen
Dear Care and Feeding,
My 16-year-old daughter, Bianca, has been distant since her mother died a few months ago. She doesn’t want to spend time with me and says I make things worse for her but won’t explain why. Every attempt to talk ends in her yelling. I’m grieving too and don’t know how to help her.
—She Won’t Even Look at Me
Counseling for Grief
Dear She Won’t,
Your daughter needs counseling to cope with her grief. She might not understand her feelings fully and can’t express them to you. Find a therapist who can work with Bianca and you as well. It’s important for both of you to get support. Keep your wife’s memory alive by talking about her and keeping photos around the house. This will help Bianca feel connected to her mom over time.
